Facebook - Once and Future Friends

I've written in the past about my Facebook obsession.

I've never been good at keeping in touch. Ever. Not even with family. I've tried but it's not my nature. I live to much in the present to be concerned about the past. Or perhaps there are things lurking there I'm not interested in revisiting. I always assume there's time. No matter how often I learn the lesson that there's not, still I persist in my notion of once and future friendships. Of people waiting to hear from me. Happy that at last I've been able to reign in my raging self-importance and give them a call or an email or a poke. I'm always surprised to find that their lives have gone on without me. Humbling certainly but not enough, apparently, for me to learn my lesson.

Facebook is about as perfect a device as I could dream up. I can trick myself into believing that I am being a good friend by constantly updating my status with sparkling wit and clever humor (ok, dirty jokes). Commenting on pictures of events that I don't attend, sometimes to people with whom I have only a passing acquaintance. A witty remark quickly typed while taking a break from work. A breezy back and forth while I have my morning coffee. Perhaps a superficial fight over the events of the day. Easy to get fooled into thinking you are having actual meaningful human interaction.

Don't get me wrong. I love that I have reconnected with old friends. I love seeing events that I missed and I'm glad that most of the people I grew up with are good and decent people. I'm glad I'm allowed to peek into their lives, however obliquely. I'm not quite sure I deserve that. I wish more people were active Facebook users. The experience grows exponentially the more users interact with it. Like building a village. If everyone contributes it enriches everyone's experience. I'm interested. Really. Even if it's not all about me.

I had the opportunity to see old friends the other day. It was weird. I haven't really seen anyone for 20 years, yet I knew things that I shouldn't know. Spouses, kids, events, trips. Information you should have to work for; information that should have a context; information reserved for people sharing lives. People that I'm not sharing with, not really. And haven't for a very long time.

Isn't that what friends do? Isn't that what friendship is? Sharing experiences, sharing memories, laughing. The pain of mourning. The joy of children. The simple act of caring about someone enough to engage in their lives. How does Facebook fit into that model. How casual can your acquaintance be?

This is the part where it starts to breakdown for me. Where virtual meets reality. My thoughts pile up on each other and reason runs away. The brain refusing to give up the answers I'm seeking. Selfish, petulant brain. Maybe I'm asking the wrong questions or maybe the answers exist outside of me and my computer.

Maybe I'll surprise myself. Or worse, maybe I'll surprise you, or you, or you - no not you - the one behind you!