Maryann

I was already to post a blog about 2011 and what a difficult and painful year it was for my family and me. I was looking at the past year and weighing the bad against the good when 2011 decided it wasn’t through with us yet.

On Friday, my Aunt Maryann collapsed at work and was rushed to the hospital. This morning the family was told that she has no brain function. Her siblings, including my Mom, are on the way to the hospital to hold her hand while they remove her from life support.

Maryann was, briefly, one of the permanent residents of Sheridan Street. She and her son, Danny lived with us while she was going through some difficult times. Maryann was the one who brought Andrea into our lives. I remember before she got married she was, to me, to most beautiful woman in the world. I remember her wedding and being so mad that Tracey and I were too young to attend while Debbie and Patty got to be in the wedding. I remember crying when she moved to Montana.

I remember her absolute emotional breakdown when Elvis died. I remember seeing her again, when we buried her brother, Walter and her shock at learning that I had kids. (I was a charter member of the “I’m Never Having Kids Club!”).

Mostly what I remember is too much time passing without seeing her. That changed recently. She had started to inch her way back into the family and everyone welcomed her with open arms.

It’s not much but it’s all we get this go round.

Don’t let petty bullshit get in the way of what’s important.

Family first.

Family forever.

Oh, and fuck you 2011. I hate you so much that if you were a person I would stab you in the face until you died.

Merry Freaking Christmas

Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ. ~ Bart Simpson

Ok. I have taken a deep breath; I have counted to ten; I have counted backwards from 10; I have bit my lip; I have walked away. None of it is helping. I was just going to walk away from it this year and not engage but I tried. I failed. So here goes nothing…

Did a memo go out warning people that they would be stoned if they uttered the words “Merry Christmas” this year? I only ask because I’ve seen more pictures and status updates and news items on how people are making a stand and saying “Merry Christmas”. The hostility in some of them is barely repressed let me tell you. Did the memo go out that clearly said that everyone has to say “Happy Holidays” instead of Merry Christmas? Who sent that memo? Because, I didn’t get it and, well, I’m kinda pissed since now I don’t know what to say or how to act this holiday season.

Can someone, anyone, please tell me who told them they can’t say “Merry Christmas”. Please, it’s really making me bug-fuck crazy. And please, please, do not tell me it’s because of the jacked-up nonsense that Bill O’Reilly and Fox News are spouting about a “War on Christmas”. Really, please don’t. It’s not true. 

Christmas is not under attack. 

Christianity is not under attack.

Are Christians not free to practice their religion? Are Christians not free to go to the house of worship of their choosing and worship their god in their way? Of course not because that would be un-American! Here in America, you can practice any religion you like or none at all. You can try a different one every week if you choose. There is nothing stopping you from pursing your religion your way. In private. As a private citizen. We have no state sponsored religion in America. Remember?

We are not a Christian nation! Sorry kids it’s true. I don’t care about the recent surge to modify history to prove otherwise. We are not, nor have we ever been, a Christian nation! I've said it before and it bears repeating: This nation was not founded for Jesus or the spreading of his gospel. It was founded on the premise that men are able to self-govern. 

Can someone, in a reasonable manner, with appropriate documentation show me where Christianity is being attacked. I’m pretty plugged in and I don’t see it at all. Is it because we can’t have a crèche in the town square? Or pray in schools? Or the ten commandments in the courthouse? Are Christians being fed to the lions again? Honestly. What’s the issue?

I have an idea if you don’t like the “holiday” trees or the “holiday” decorations that cities and towns expend time and energy on, let’s stop doing them. All of them. Christmas, as we are so often reminded, is a religious day and as such has no business being promoted or endorsed in any government building. No religious holiday does.

We have real problems that face us. Let's not get distracted by the bogus ones. 

Enjoy your families and your traditions. If you want Christ in Christmas that's your right. For me and mine, we're content with the Fat Man.

I'm Just a Girl

I can bleed for five straight days and not die; I can also make people. What are your superpowers? 

I love being a girl. Honestly, it’s been a pretty awesome gig. Free drinks, dinners, and shows; wearing kick-ass shoes and short skirts. Well, not anymore but I still remember when! One of the unexpected joys of having a daughter is it allows me to examine my experiences as a girl as I help her understand how she will make her mark on the world. 

Recently, I was thinking about how women have impacted society and how much it has changed in my lifetime. For centuries, we have gotten the short end of the stick. We are covered and clothed and, in some parts of the world, mutilated. Even now, any overt expression of sexuality is sneered at and labeled. We are still marginalized. We are still victimized. We still don’t have equal pay for equal work. We still bear the biggest burden of domestic chores even in two income families. Certainly, it’s gotten better but there is a lot of disparity and hostility. 

There is no doubt that girls have way more opportunities for advancement in both academics and sports than they did in the past and we (as a group) have made tremendous impact in just about every field we’ve entered. When I was growing up, I believed that women who do exceptional things were rare. I also believed that in order for a woman to be noteworthy, she had to have risen above her inherent girlness to embrace greatness; that exceptional women were somehow different from other woman. Honestly, I’m a little ashamed to admit it. 

I remember the women that stood out to me as a child: Eleanor Roosevelt, Clara Barton, Rosa Parks, Betsy Ross. That was it. Four. That was the sum total of the exceptional women that I remember from childhood. Apart from being examples of exceptional women the only other thing they had in common, they were all dead. 

I recognize now that obstacles and other more complex reasons prevented more women from realizing their potential. What shocked me was that I still harbored the thought that women had to overcome their girlness in order to be exceptional. I’m still kind of annoyed at myself for letting that fester in my brain for all these years. I believe that our girlness is our greatest strength and I hate that it seems to be settled that women need to be more like men in order to run with the big dogs. I think the whole world would be better off if we embraced the feminine. It’s an incredible viewpoint and an important one; one that we need to stop squashing to fit in a patriarchal world. 

Dudes, don’t go all getting your back up, this is not a male-bashing blog. This is about ownership of self and me, finally, at long last figuring some stuff out. So, squash it. This ain’t the place for your pity party so move it along, k. Thanks. 

This is about me realizing that the beauty of being a girl is that we are exceptional because we are girls. 

We raise the bar.

We raise the standard. 

We raise the future. 

This is a work in progress and it is not the sum total of my thoughts on feminism or being a girl. This is about me starting a conversation with myself and hopefully, getting an assist from some of my friends – male and female. I expect that my thoughts will continue to expand and shift as I continue being a girl.