Maturity

Maturity is many things

How you handle what you see
How you choose who to be

     do you holler
          do you shout

or maybe

     you're the kind to pout

There's a kind of maturity
a kind that hasn't strived to be

The kind that starts inside oneself
shows itself

     insecurity
          instability
               inability

Maturity is many things

How you handle what you see
How you choose who to be

There's a kind of maturity
a kind that strives hard to be

The kind that starts inside oneself
shows itself

     caring
          sharing
                understanding

Maturity is many things

It's choosing how you want to be

Silence

Raised in chaos
Raised in noise

Silence always seemed to me
A rare and precious luxury
I never dreamed that it could be
A vicious hurtful enemy

I grew a silence that you’d not believe
A silence that was haunting me

Taunting me

I made a daughter
Small and blond
One locked in silent melancholy

Each day it seemed to always be
A constant struggle to be free

She unlocked her fear
She found her voice

Rejoice

Silence no longer her destiny

To read about my daughter's journey, read Silent Emma
To learn more about Selective Mutism, go to Rid the Silence

Growing up

I never wanted to be a grown up. Sure, I wanted to be an adult, as in over 21, but a grown-up. Not hardly. I wanted the world without responsibility. A full-on 24 hour party.

I only recently started to refer to myself as a grown-up. At 40ish (well 39). I feel, finally, like I get it. I’m a grown-up and I like being a grown-up. It’s a title. An honor, actually. I feel like I’ve achieved something. Someone bring me a trophy. It should not have a bowling figure on the top. It should have a star or a giant #1. Oh, it should be engraved as well. With my name and achievement. Something along the lines of:

Barbara Mulvey-Welsh

Grown-up

It’s about damn time

It should sparkle too. A lot. Being a grown-up is hard. Damn it. You get no accolades for doing the right thing. The responsible thing. Yeah, it stinks. You do get personal satisfaction so at least I have that going for me.

It’s time to mount up children of the 60s and fulfill our destiny as grown-ups. No whining, no crying, no bumpers, no helmets. Full on contact grown-up-ness.

It’s pretty cool, actually. But it's not for the faint of heart.

Who has the balls to join me?



Boys to Men

Dad gave me the best advice about boys and dating. One day, I think I was about 16, I was heartbroken after a HUGE fight with the current love of my life. I thought for sure we would stay broken up and my life would be ruined. I was a little high-strung when I was a teenager. Hard to believe, right.

I was probably crying when Dad yelled, "Jesus Christ (he prayed a lot) Blondie! In 20 years you won't even remember his name!" He then went on to say, "Boys are like trolleys, stand still for 5 minutes and another will be right along." He most likely added, "Enough with all the damn crying." Ah Dad, always bringing the warm and fuzzy. It had also been several years since Dad had waited for a trolley since 5 minutes, yeah, not so much.

Little did he realize I would take that advice to heart. Not the stop crying part, the trolley part. Literally. Over the next several years I enjoyed dating and meeting new guys. Breaking hearts and having fun.

When I was 19, I met my husband. Not Pat; that's still a few years off. No, I'm talking about my practice husband, Dana. We dated for a long time but were only married briefly. He was older than me by about 5 years. And smart. One of the smartest people I've ever met. Also, kind of a jerk.  But he's not the point of this blog, I am.

I met Pat the year we lost Dad. On Halloween. We had a fight. We fought just about every time we saw each other. I was still married, although we had already separated. Pat and I slowly became friends. And along with Ed and Greg, we proceeded to get in loads of trouble and have a hell of a good time! Pat asked me out several times. I always resisted. I think I knew that it could get serious. Pat and his stubborness finally wore me down. The rest is history.

I don't classify realtionships in my life as mistakes, especially intimate, romantic relationships. Each important partner in my life left me different. Those experiences have left me, me.

Dad was wrong, I do remember that boy's name. We're Facebook friends and I'm glad that we are. We were important in each other's lives at one time and I'm glad that I didn't damage him beyond repair. I was a bit of a bitch. Hard to believe, I know. He taught me the importance of being gracious to those that love you. It took me a long time to understand that lesson but I'm glad I finally got it.

I'm (almost) sorry that I've lost touch with Dana. He gave me an education. Literally. He broadened my world and taught me how to think critically and impartially. He also taught me that some people need to control those in their lives in order to feel complete. Those types of people are not emotionally healthy and need counseling not a spouse.

That brings me to Pat. I can't imagine my life without him. Seriously. Our relationship is about the only subject I can't write about. Every time I start, it seems so trite and stupid. Hearts and hope and gah, stab me in the face, please!

Love you, Pattycakes. From the girl I was when we met to the woman I am now. You're the best man in the world for me and I'm glad you can tolerate my particular brand of bullshit.

I Am A Liberal - Part the Second

This is the second in a series. To read the first, click here

The Nanny-State

That's what they call us. They say we want to intervene in peoples' lives. Tell them how to live. What to eat. When to exercise. Blah. Blah. Blah.

You know what. It's true. I do. My secret, all-consuming passion is to make sure that everyone has access to healthy, natural food. I want urban and rural recreation areas that are safe and well-maintained. I want pregnant women to have access to adequate pre- and post-natal care. I want children to have access to early education programs no matter their socio-economic background. I want to teach the world to learn so they can buy themselves a Coke!

These, to me, seem like reasonable and appropriate uses of public funds. You know taxes. Remember, I LOVE them. Sometimes I don't think we pay enough to be truly effective. That’s right; I said it and you can quote me on that.

It's why I'm annoyed about the retaliatory vote to defund the Corporation for Public Broadcasting and the important and necessary programming that it funds. You know, those lefty-subversives: Elmo and Big Bird. Seriously. Who doesn't think Caillou is a smarmy little commie bastard? And Rosita on Sesame Street, anchor-baby! Oh, don't get me started on Ernie and Bert. Oh. My. God. It is a bastion of liberalism. Maybe they are right. Hahaha - just kidding. They're ridiculous!

I know another group that believes in the Nanny-State. Hint: it’s not liberals. But the only thing they seem to want to regulate is our bodies. Who we do, how we do, and where we do. It's been said that they want to shrink the size of government so it fits in the bedroom; or a uterus. Guess what? Stay out of both. I don't care what Bill and Jeff do as long as they both consent. Karen and Peggy too (you go girls)!

Abortion's another thing. It's legal you know. It has been for years. Keep it that way. You know the best thing about choice. You get to choose NO. Anytime you want. I'm done dicing up the abortion debate. Have one or don't. It's really that simple. Listen carefully: I don't care if you get raped; have consensual, unprotected sex; or have a health-risk from a pregnancy abortion is a decision between a woman and whomever SHE brings into it. Be that her partner, her spouse, her doctor or her god. I don't care what your views are. Don't want one don't have one. Easy. Peasey. Lemon. Squeezy.

Conservatives are on a mission to destroy everything they deem supportive of Democrats and the Democratic Party. UnionsP; making it more difficult to voteP; defunding educationP. It's only going to get worse.

I have a word of caution for my left-handed friends – watch your backs, you may be next…

And my American Idol is....

Jennifer Lopez!

I have surprised myself with how big my girl-crush on JLo has become. Seriously, I could watch a whole hour of Ms. Lopez smiling and saying nice things to people. I'm not kidding. I’ve watched stupider shows.

I'm in awe of how she is able to extract the essence from a less-than-stellar performance, examine it, and hand it back with a recommendation. And she does this in a way that builds up rather than tears down. Masterful.

Case in point. Naima. Last night was a hot-buttered mess! Don't even argue with me, it was. I love her; she's my favorite girl in the game right now. But last night was just no. Not good. What did JLo say to Miss Hot-Buttered Mess? I'm paraphrasing here "It's really hard to have control when you're jumping around on the stage and singing isn't it? That takes work." Not calling her out in a way designed to embarrass her. No. She was empathizing with her about a shared experience: the difficulty of performing.

In that moment, she gave her several things: her intact dignity, constructive criticism, and a plan to improve.

More of this please, Idol.