Petty Annoyance

Work hard, annoy a liberal ~ Bumper Sticker

I haven’t seen this bumper sticker for a while but it popped up again this morning. It’s one that I have never really understood seeing that I’m a liberal and I work hard. Pat’s a liberal (well, really he’s a socialist) and he works hard. I have liberal friends; smart, educated people. They’re hard workers too. See not so much with the making sense.

So, I started thinking: If hard work doesn’t annoy me as a liberal, what does?

Oh, here’s one. I hate being preached at about “family values” by politicians who live secret lives while trying to deny basic human and civil rights to others. How dare I sit here in my “traditional” marriage, with my one boy and one girl, working hard to earn a living and trying to teach the children crazy “family values” like self-respect, tolerance, acceptance, and love. Holy Moses, we should be shot or indefinitely detained for spreading the crazy notions that the gays and minorities are equal and deserving of love and respect. That’s crazy talk! Crazy liberal talk. Why it’s practically socialism (everyone wave to Pat!).

Know what else makes this liberal crazy mad? People trying to get into my uterus! I know it can hold people but damn folks, one at a time. I’m not Kate Gosselin. Plus the weight limit for my uterus is about 8 lbs. So, sorry guys that want to occupy my uterus but you’re too big to ride that ride. Go play somewhere else. How about somewhere on your body? Hey, why don’t you start with your penis; you may not be as cranky anymore when you’re done.

Here’s another thing that annoys liberals, making up false allegations so you can legislate regressive ideas into law and disenfranchise millions of people. In other words, voter fraud. The totally baseless claim that Mickey Mouse is voting in primaries all over the country and is subverting democracy! Democracy people, being subverted, by an animated mouse! Where’s the outrage? Will no one think of the children? Or Daffy Duck! He’s going to be hella pissed off when he finds out. Hey, want to investigate some fraud, how about that nonsense in New Hampshire when that Republican douche-nozzle, Breitbart, committed real, actual voter fraud. Let’s put him in prison! Or maybe we can finally investigate the software for the Diebold voting machines. You know, the ones that don’t give a printout of the votes cast. Nothing fishy there.

So, let’s recap. If you decide annoying a liberal is something you would like to do in your day-to-day life, you can be a self-loathing, small-minded bigot; you can proclaim that you know best for women everywhere; or you can make up outrageous plots that have no basis in fact, create legislation to foil these “plots” by drafting and passing legislation to make voting harder; thereby, disenfranchising millions. 

Heck, if your industrious enough maybe you can do all three since all of the above annoy liberals.

Hard work, not so much.